Quoteable Sunday:Love and Marriage

Love and marriage may come with a horse and carriage, but they also provide some hilarious joke fodder. Enjoy!

A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.
Duane Dewel

Getting married is the boldest and most idealistic thing that most of us will ever do.
Maggie Gallagher

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
Benjamin Franklin

Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.
Scotts Proverb

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henry Youngman

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.
Katherine Zeta-Jones

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

[For more Quatable Sundays, hop over to A Daily Dose of Toni]

Quotable Sunday:Sleep!

Oh sleep, I love you so. You are the greatest, and I wish I could write an ode to you. Unfortunately, I have not seen enough of you lately so instead I shall post quotes about you.

Sometimes I stay up so late I have my morning coffee before I go to bed.
Anonymous

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess

Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all night... without the satisfaction.
Lynn Johnston

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright

Sleep is like the unicorn~it is rumored to exist but I doubt I will see any.
Anonymous

................and the best quote about sleep is................................

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
Leo J. Burke

[For more Quotable fun visit Toni at A Daily Dose]

Quotable Sunday: Age

I might be under 30, but my full schedule and lack of sleep makes me feel just under 105, so this week for Quotable Sunday I decided to do funny quotes about age. [For more Quotable Sunday posts, check in with Toni]

I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate. -Nancy Astor

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. -Lucille Ball

You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work. -Hy Gardner

Children are a great comfort in your old age -- and they help you reach it faster, too. -Lionel Kauffman

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. -Milton Burle

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything. -Oscar Wilde

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap. -Bob Hope

To me old age is always fifteen years older than I am. -Bernard Baruch

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. -George Burns

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. -Maurice Chevalier

Quotable Sunday Strikes Again

Perhaps it's because today (since 630am yesterday) the kids have been shrieking-non-stop, maybe because my "days" last 21-22 hours, and maybe it's because I blog with a little one whining in my ear I don't know-but I just want to read (and share) a little Mommy/Housewife humor this week.

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
-Erma Bombeck-

"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on."
-Roseanne Barr-

"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."
-Jennifer Unlimited-

"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after."
-Peter De Vries-

"By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class."
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh-

"Son, I will literally give you money for two minutes of peace."
-ME! Today around 5pm (hour 11 of 21 hour shift) -