Saturday, April 26, 2008

This Hot Mom Hates To Shop

I am officially 71lbs less of a woman than I was one year ago and I couldn't be happier. Losing weight is really a great thing-it makes me healthier, not to mention I love being a hottie for my husband!However, there is one big negative of losing weight-clothes shopping. I HATE clothes shopping. I love grocery shopping, shopping for electronics, or house decorations, presents for my family, even presents for myself, but I hate hate HATE clothes shopping.

I know, I know, what kind of woman am I?

Still, there is nothing I hate more than trying to find new clothes...for many reasons.

I hate lines. I do. I will mill around the front of the store while I shop so I can immediately swoop in on an empty lane. Those self checkouts were MADE for people like me. No lines, no small talk, just scan and go as quickly as possible. When you clothes shop everything is a process. Besides the checkout lines, you also have to shove your way around the racks and wait in lines for fitting rooms. I also hate fitting rooms. Who decided it was okay to be stripped to your skivvies in a public place? And what about that 360* mirror? That's not flattering to anyone, especially to someone who has had the pleasure of two pregnancies and an extra cookie or two.

Oh and lets talk fit. Nothing is more depressing than trying on something in "your size" only to find yourself unable to squeeze into it. This is totally not about what size you are. When I was a size 5 (long long ago) I remember trying on pants clearly marked size 5 only to find myself dancing around half naked with one leg on trying to make them magically fit. Then of course I had to exchange them for a bigger size. If you're lucky you can find the bigger size yourself. If not you have to walk up to the salesperson and announce to the world that you are fatter than you thought you were. Then you go home and cry into a tub of ice cream. Or maybe that's just me.

Another reason I hate shopping is because I have too search way too hard to find clothes I like. I am not a "trendy" person. I like what I like, thank you very much, and I am not flexible in the least. For instance, I must have wide leg pants. Not boot cut, not flair, and certainly not skinny jeans. I don't care that they're old fashioned or that the other jeans are "so now" I refuse to put my butt into jeans that are not the same width from the waist down. And no, I do NOT want to try on the "cool colored" jeans, jeans with beads, or khakis. The problem with being extremely picky is that the things I want are often not "in fashion" which means no stores carry them, which means I'd have to buy something that I won't wear, which is just a waste of money. Which brings me to my primary complaint about shopping.

It is almost always a big fat waste of money. I mean, it's only clothing. It's not a cure for cancer or a hobby that you can have fun with. It's just material, sewn together, and then sold for 800 times the value of the material that made it. The only reason I wear clothes is so that I don't scare people with my nakedness. Well, and to protect me from the weather. But seriously, they serve no other function. So why buy 10 shirts? I really only need two for each type of weather. One to wear and one to put into the wash and wear tomorrow while the one I wore today is washing. Any more than that is a waste of hard earned money.

Those are the reasons I hate clothes shopping. The reason I will wear my clothes (including shoes) until they commit suicide and burst apart at the seems then disintegrate into a thousand tiny pieces.

However, I have run into a very serious problem--when you lose 71 pounds NONE OF YOUR CLOTHES FIT ANYMORE. I am seriously looking at a dangerous clothes shortage which could lead to unappealing levels of exposure. I may soon be forced to actually obtain clothing at a retail location. ARG!

At least my shoes still fit!

1 comment:

Suzie said...

Congrats on the wight loss. I hate clothes shopping too. Awful yuck blah,