Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Trapazoidal Cookie Cutter

I have been feeling lately like I am in a strange place in my life. Not an unhappy place-to tell the truth, I have been happier than I think the average person is for a very long time now. I'm certainly not complaining about my family or my life.

I still feel kind of awkward though. While still remaining true to my pledge never to reveal my actual age on my blog, I think that I have mentioned that I am young. Probably younger than almost everyone who reads this blog, and most certainly younger than most people who live the kind of life that I do (wife and unschooling mom). It makes it hard to fit in with anyone.

How do I talk to people my own age? Almost none of them have children-let alone two that they stay home with. They want to talk about crushes and homework and concerts and I want to talk about babies and marriage and parenting. I think the things they talk about are irrelevant, they think the things I talk about are boring. Conversations usually don't last long that way...certainly not long enough to actually develop a friendship.

I don't have very good luck when I try to find friends based on common lifestyles instead of age group either. Usually these people are older than I am and, if they can look past my age (which they rarely can) they are the "keep up with the Jones's" kind of people. I don't want to spend an hour at a mommy and me class comparing my babies like show dogs. I don't like being on the receiving end of dirty looks when I show up in my hole-y jeans, or when I drive away in my 85 Honda, and I don't like being talked down to. I have had women in their 40s, pregnant with their first child, tell me they know more about parenting than I do. I'm sure they know lots of things, and they certainly have more life experience, but I've got them on parenting experience and I don't appreciate the snotty attitude.

I wish that I could rely on the few and far between moms my own age for friendship, but the truth is I don't fit in with them either. I take my responsibilities as a wife and mom very seriously. I am concerned about being a good mom and taking good care of my family; I don't have any room in my life to find the single ones a new daddy for their baby or listen to their drama about their ex/new boyfriend. I don't want to dump my children with a babysitter and go out drinking until I can't stand up anymore. I love my children and while I'll admit that Monkeypants was a surprise he wasn't an "accident" like a car wreck or a snowmobile crash he was a gift-like a surprise party or winning the lottery is a surprise. I am always shocked by how many young moms I meet that treat their children like they ruined their lives.

I'm sure there are other good young moms out there. I'm sure there are non-judgmental older moms out there. And I'm sure that if I tried hard enough I could care about the homework and concerts of my non-child-having-non-parenting peers.

Sometimes I just get frustrated. It's like everyone expects people to be like cookie cutters-the people my age are circles, stay at home moms are squares....but I'm neither and I certainly can't be both.

It's hard to find another cookie cutter without a defined shape.


Suzie said...

I am sorry you are going through that. I think child rearing is very isolating regardless of age. I find my friends and I seem to be in such different places now. Its so hard to find common ground with anyone. I dont raise my kids like my friends do. And my single friends have no idea where I am coming from. I'm sure it must be harder too when you are the youngest. I hope as they get older it will become a little easier to meet on more common ground who knows.

Becoming Me said...

Oh bless your heart. Have you tried any MOPS groups?

Wifey said...

That must be hard, but good for you for knowing who you are and for not conforming - smiles!

Person(Also Known As Mommy) said...

Thanks for the encouragement :)