Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Humorous Side of Identity Fraud

Let me start by saying that I hate giving my name and phone number out. If I am going to risk tripping and falling to my death on hot wheels, I want someone important to be on the phone when I answer it. There's something about picking a lego out of the arch of my foot while listening to someone butcher my name and then attempt to sell me a windshield replacement that makes me wish that phones still slammed down onto hooks...or that you could hang up on someone more than once.

No, I do not wish to spend 10 minutes of my time attempting to hear a perfect stranger over the shrieking of my children in order to describe to them exactly how satisfied I was when I shopped at their store/ate their candy bar/used their public bathroom. Obviously I'm satisfied-if I wasn't believe me...I would have gotten a hold of you on my own.

Nor I do not want any newsletters, coupons, special offers, incentives, or company updates that Monkey can shred into dime sized squares, throw like confetti on every flat surface in the house, and then encourage Baby Bug while she follows behind and consumes these tasty little advertisements.

NO THANKS.

That's why I never put my name or phone number on anything. This caused me to pause for a second a little over 6 years ago when I started living on my own and realized I needed special "member cards" to get discounted prices at certain grocery stores (*ahem*Safeway*ahem*Albertsons*ahem*)--until I realized that I could just punch in my parent's phone number. They signed up for all of those flyers and crap.

Problem solved!

More than 6 years later, I still punch in my parent's phone number when I go to the grocery store.....only it's not their phone number any more. This is where my grocery store alias comes in.

Yes, my parent's phone number is now registered with the grocery store under it's current owners name.....which the grocery store clerks in my small town (who see me approximately 6 times a week) call me by...and I don't correct them. I mean, come on, who am I harming? I don't have to bother filling out paperwork, and someone named Miss T. Grottam has reward points falling out of the sky as if from no where.

This is mutually beneficial, limited identify fraud.

Today when I went through the line and I was coming up to the check out I saw that there was a new cashier. He rang me up and he was very sweet, and we had a nice little chat. I gave "my" number and paid and then he pulled out the recipt. Everything happened smoothly.

Then the cashier said, "You saved $3. Thank you Mrs. Graham."

And do you know what I said?

"Oh, it's Mrs. Grottam."

Seriously.

Maybe it's time to just fill out the paperwork and get my own card.

4 comments:

valentine said...

that is hilarious!! i do the same thing! i never signed up for a card, but i use my phone number and there was already a card signed up under that number.

i really don't think i am hurting anyone else either, i doubt the original signer upper even uses it.....

besides, those cards are stupid, why can't they give the sale price to everyone? why do you have to have a card to save extra money?

MrsM said...

Valentine-I know, right? They do it for the specific purpose of spamming you. ARG!

Nerdy Jess said...

Thats hilarious!

My husband refuses to give out his phone number for this exact reason. His Solution? He puts down the small town where he grew up police departments non-emergency phone number. I scoffed the first time he did it but when he explained his reasoning, ding! the light bulb went off. Are you going to really try to solicit someone when they answer the phone "Kearney Police Dept"? LOL

-Visiting from SITS, I'll def be back!

MrsM said...

Nerdy Jess-Thanks for following me! I agree with your husband-you'd have to have a brass pair to solicit the police department LoL