I have always been what one might call "stacked". I hit puberty when I was 8 (which scares me when I think back on it) and by the time I was in 4th grade I was a B-Cup. In high school I was a D, and now after 3 kidlets (and a few extra pounds) I'm a DD. The charm of this is kind of lost on Hubby-he himself happens to be a leg man, an area in which I certainly don't disappoint (*unlike my mom gut) but certainly gets less attention than the girls.
Unless we're talking about Monkey.
Monkey is a boob man. Has been since birth-that's part of the reason why his nickname is Monkey. As a toddler he wanted to be picked up all the time so that he could wrap one arm around my neck and put the other in between my cleavage. It seemed harmless at the time-I figured it was just the most obvious place to hold on to. Now at five his obsession is clear.
Never more clear than it was a few days ago when my sister came to visit. My sister, while definitely attractive, has a different sort of figure than I do and is as small in the chest area as I am big. This is not news to anyone. Not even to Monkey-she's been his aunt his whole life. Still his greeting to her on the day she visited was momentous.
"Hi Autie! You have small boobies!"
Seriously. Just like that. BLURT, like word vomit. Luckily, my sister has an incredible sense of humor and understanding of kids (she's a teacher) so she just laughed as Monkey continued....
"Your boobies are really small, Auntie. Are they okay?"
More laughter from my sister, genuine curiosity from Monkey, and mortification from me as I try to explain that boobies come in all sizes and they're all okay.
"But Mommy your boobies are sooooo pretty. Why are Auntie's not like yours?"
GAH! Where is the chloroform when you need it?! His obsession with boobies is definitely not helped by the fact that I'm nursing The Bean. Every time I start to nurse, here comes Monkey with an awkward comment. I try to answer as directly as possible and just pray for this phase to end.
At least with Monkey...because of course if big brother is doing something Baby Bug must do it as well. She takes her turn coming over and oogleing and tries to pat my boobs.....while The Bean is still on them. She also points and shouts "Boos! Boos!"
I am quite the spectacle.
Of course all of this attention has prompted Hubby to decide that even though he is a leg man he does feel some proprietary ownership over the girls-now he's always commenting he "can't wait to have them back all to himself".
Yeah, me too.
And someday I'd like to be able to pee by myself-but that's a whole different issue. The battle for a mother's privacy is hard fought and seldom won.