Thursday, August 27, 2009

In Which I Grouse About Things I Cannot Change

I love my children more than life itself. I love spending time with them, and I love being a stay at home mom. Baking cookies, playing games, learning together-my kids make my life beautiful, and I would never abandon them for even the highest paid, most illustrious career.

I could however use a day off.

Just one little day when I don't have to cook or clean or wipe other people's butts. A day to relax, read a book, take a long bath, and sleep uninterrupted. There would be a lot of sleeping involved. If only I could get a family member to take the kids for the day. [Hubby can stay if he promises to go with the flow.]

Unfortunately that is seriously not going to happen. Do you know the last time I had one whole day of relaxation? I don't remember exactly but I can tell you this-it was before I got pregnant with Monkey. That's right, my last "day off" was more than 6 years ago and in the mean time we've had two more children.

Dates are nearly as scarce-since Monkey was born Hubby and I have been on exactly three dates, our most recent date being last November. We went out for our anniversary, and it was quite a special time together.....we went to the grocery store, hit the gas station, stopped at the thrift store for about five minutes, picked up some Jack in the Box (via the drive through) and went home.


The problem is that our family just doesn't help out. I should clarify-in the case of an absolute emergency they will pitch in with the minimal amount of effort required to avoid disaster. So that's something. Still, when it comes to just being helpful they're sooooo not interested.

When we had Baby Bug my in laws drove up and watched Monkey, because he wasn't quite 4 and could not be reasonably expected to watch himself while I was in labor-but after we brought Baby Bug home they stayed for an hour and were gone. No 'can I help you with anything' not even a frozen meal.

When we had The Bean, they watched Monkey and Baby Bug overnight-but REFUSED TO BRING THEM TO THE HOSPITAL. [Yeah, still mad/sad about that one.] The only person who actually came to see us in the hospital was Hubby's step sister-who brought her boyfriend we'd never met, tried to pitch babies/childbirth/families to him, and left 10 minutes later. No one else came....although my sister did call less than 12 hours after I gave birth to The Bean to tell me about her stressful day.

That's right she called me. In the hospital. Just hours after I gave birth. With no pain meds. To complain about her day. You can't make that stuff up. All I can say is it's a damn good thing Hubby answered and decided to tell her I was busy, or she would have been joining me in the hospital.

No, our family is no help. If I'm going to get a day off it's going to be because Hubby watches the kids and I hole up in the bedroom all day....but that's wouldn't be fair to him, since he already works 10+ hours a day 6 days a week....he needs a real day off almost as bad as I do. It's so frustrating!!! But what is there to do?

Suck it up. Blog about it and move on.


Alright, I'm done.


Scrappy Girl said...


I know the feeling of wanting to do things and then the "oh wait I have 3 kids to take care of" hits you. My MIL babysits for me at least 2-3 times per month, but at the cost of her playing lots of mind games (talking about canceling at the last minute, calling her friends to say she has the kids "again" making it look like I am just a runabout leaving her with my responsibilities, teaching the kids to do things they are not supposed to do). Date nights are very important...even if you end up doing boring stuff.

Wish your family was more helpful.

Kirsty said...

Oh man, I am so sorry. I have no family within any type of helping or barely traveling distance (different continents) but somehow I have always managed to take regular time for myself. Can you start a baby-sitting co-op in your area?? That worked pretty well for us for when our babies were little. You absolutely do deserve/need a break. I really hope you get one soon. Hang in there. And wow, your family's selfishness knows no bounds...ack ironically it is mostly their loss :(

Samantha said...

While the hubs and I are very fortunate to have my parents keep the Breester ever so often, the Hubs's mother is pretty much non-existent. When there is a time that my Mom and Dad are unable to keep Bree, we have to ask his Mom. I always hate asking his Mom, because there is always a problem she has with it. She wants to know how long we'll be gone. And because we need her to keep Bree this coming Saturday, she asked for gas money! GAS MONEY?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?? I wish I could call up Judge Judy and let her loose on my Mother-In-Law. Did I mention that she doesn't like me?

I hate that my Parents are the only baby sitters, because they're still raising a teenager. They don't want a 2 year old to watch on their Friday night. They say they don't mind it, and that they love it, but I can't help but feel guilty alot of times. I can't help it that Bree's other Grandma is a dead beat. She definitely is not getting one of those "I love My Grandma" frames wit Bree's picture in it.

Mimi said...

Ooh, I'm so lucky. My ex-husbands family has never been interested, but my parents have bent over backwards for the last 17 years to help out all the time.


Kimi said...

My family is great but we are 500 miles away from them, lol, so a night out is like a miracle. I so know what you mean about needed a break. I homeschool my kids so I don't get those few hours when they would normally be in school either. They'd better appreciate us when they are older, lol

Muthering Heights said...

That IS frustrating! I have sort of an opposite issue with my in-laws...also frustrating!

BoufMom9 said...

Boy. I hear ya. (although I have had a "day off" in the past 3 years.)
my husband & I very rarely get out of the house without kids... so, we have date-nights at home. (make the kids all go to bed early.)

Your family sounds like they need to be slapped around a little ;)

Hope you catch some time to relax a bit. Sounds like you could use it :)


shiduri said...

love this post. and i relate. b and i don't have much support with our family, either. we pay a friend $15 an hour to help out, but it's not the same as having a helpful extended family around to bring you a meal or two.