Thursday, September 17, 2009

Mom Lays Down The Law

Whereas I, Mommy, have only one nerve left
Whereas you three are already working it
Whereas I am concerned for both the safety and sanity of all members of this household running on the fumes of 3 nightly hours of sleep, I introduce this piece of legislation for your perusal (not to be confused with approval)

This act may be cited as "The Mommy Sanity Initiative"....

Chapter 1: Individual Provisions

Section I
Notice to Monkey:
Any toy that remains in a direct traffic area is in violation of statute 1156-B [Subtitled "Things That Are Both Obnoxious and Potentially Hazardous"]. Any toys found in violation from this date forward will be confiscated, as allowed by Law (that's me), and returned to you only after copious amounts of paperwork involving form 457-81C which must be done, signed, and returned in triplicate. In short, if you want to see that toy before you leave home I might suggest you keep it in the "safe zones" as have been previously outlined to you approximately 10,000 times.

Section II
Notice to Baby Bug
Thank you for your interest in the pre-toddler fit experimentation program (or P-FEP). Unfortunately, due to a sleep shortage resulting in paper thin nerves, this program has been cut until further notice. Please feel free to take advantage of the other educational opportunities we have available in the House of M-including Sharing 101, which I feel would help you create a well rounded transcript.

Section III
Notice to The Bean
It has come to my attention that you appear to have a damaged internal clock. I am consulting a myriad of child manuals in an attempt to find a repair method or at the very least a substitute. One that will not wake up between 1 am and 4am every day for no apparent reason. Until such time when a fix or a substitute may be found I encourage you to wait quietly and patiently....if you happen to get bored and fall asleep while waiting so be it.

Section IV
Special Provisions for Hubby
You rock. Carry on.
[Though, if you're looking for opportunities to grow from your current rocking status to one of a supreme awesomeness, NOT knocking me up would certainly be worth something.]

Chapter 2: General Provisions

Be it henceforth enacted that, when it comes to housework, if I don't wanna-I'm not gonna.
This law would also repeal several laws including "Finders Keepers" and "Losers Weepers" which are oft a source of internal household conflict....especially the weeping part.
Lastly I would like a 15 minute break every 2.5 hours and a 1 hour meal period.
In absence of that, I wish to pee alone and shower at least once a day.

This bill is effective immediately.
[Legislation not valid in the continental United States, also non-applicable in Alaska, Hawaii, nor any states or territories included in this plane of reality. Valid only in the realm of imagination. No refunds, no exchanges, no take backs. Dream legislation redeemable cash value=.000000000000000000000000000001 cent(s).]


Melissa B. said...

Sometimes you just gotta do whatcha gotta do, huh? SITS sent me by, and I'm glad they did!

Beth in NC said...

LOL! Too cute!

I hope things get better and you get more sleep before someone's head rolls.

Scrappy Girl said...

Love it. Our home is in bad need of some new laws.

Samantha said...

This is too funny. When I was growing up my Mom came up with this thing, if she found our stuff on the floor, she would confiscate it. At the end of the week, everything she confiscated could be purchased by either me or another sibling. Needless to say, we didn't leave stuff on the floor anymore. Mainly because we don't want each other to have to have our stuff.

K said...

Good luck Mommy.

Let us know how the new laws are working.

Mommy of Two said...

I love it! I need one for my home, lol

Mimi said...

This is an amazing piece of mommy blogging. Perfect!