Age of Questions

Apparently, six is when all the big questions come into play...

What does it mean when someone dies?
Why can't we live forever?
Where is heaven?
What does God look like?
How do we know God is real if we can't see Him and we can't visit Him in heaven until we die?
Why doesn't anyone come back from heaven?
Will I go to heaven?
Who else is in heaven?
How did God make heaven?
How does God make babies?
Why is a girls' penis different than my penis?
When you were a little girl did you...lie?...get in trouble?...hit your sisters?...throw fits?...have a mom?...miss your Nana?

Monkey asked all those questions before bed in a single night! I pride myself on being honest with the kidlets, but I don't think I've said "I don't know" so much in my life! That, along with Monkey's sudden interest in my crappy childhood, make me feel all kinds of awkward...still, I love that he is asking the big questions. I know a lot of things change over the years, and that kids go through a lot of phases, but I sincerely hope that his desire to know more only gets stronger as he gets older.

I also hope I can read enough to keep up with him!

Faux Hawk of Awesomeness

I have ALWAYS loved Monkey's hair long. Call it a mom thing, call it just unexplained weirdness, but I have always thought that he looked perfectly like my little boy with long wavy hair. Still, the time has come when even my mommy eyes had to see that leaving my Monkey's hair long was making him look...kinda...girly. He's too old for that, I know, I know. Not a baby-I get it really. Doesn't he look so sweet though?


Still, every boy must grow up and every mom must let him. So it was time to bite the bullet and go for it. He decided he wanted to have hair like a zebra. And what with 'being a zebra' being one of his life long ambitions, I wouldn't want to stand in his way so we did it. We gave him a faux hawk...and you know what? IT. IS. AWESOME. That's what I call it:

The Faux Hawk of Awesomeness
(side note: certain tiny fingers have scratched the lens of my camera, resulting in blurry pictures. Sorry!)

In the event that we go somewhere that is not zebra hair friendly, I cut it so that he can blend in with human society (though not everyone is pleased with the non-zebra incarnation)...


I have to say, though I will always miss his baby waves, I think that the F.H.O.A (Faux Hawk of Awesomeness) is perfectly suited to my growing boy. I hardly cried at all while I was cutting it!

It's Party Time!

This Saturday is Monkey's birthday party and I am SO excited. We've waffled around a lot about what theme to do and finally (three and a half days before the big day) I got it. He's going to have a Chinese-themed birthday party! It is going to be SO COOL.

We are going to have white paper lanterns and a red table cloth (red is the traditional Chinese color for luck) and an adorable little oriental themed plate set as the decorations. The kids are going to dip home made fortune cookies (complete with special, custom fortunes) in chocolate and sprinkles, make and use their own sponge stamps (which will have the Chinese character for their name on them), play pass the pom-pom ball with chop sticks (a relay race which takes place sitting down) and make their very own dancing dragon toys (a paper dragon with sticks attached to the head and tail and accordion folded paper in between so that they can 'dance' the dragon around. We're going to eat sweet and sour chicken, rice, dumplings, egg rolls, and the fortune cookies with pink lemonade with ice cubes that have maraschino cherries frozen inside. Then of course I am going to make the cake.

This cake, in my head, is going to be the best cake I've ever made. I have found a fabulous marshmallow fondant recipe which will give the cake a clean, professional look. His cake is going to be white with red and black polka dots on the side and Pinyin characters spelling out 'happy birthday' on the top. There will be TONS of pictures-I can't wait to show you guys.

I definitely need the morale boost after everything that's happened in the last few days-but I don't want to ruin my mood, so I'll blog about that later. For now I just want to be excited that my baby is going to have the most AWESOME 6th birthday ever!

Monkey, Growing Up

Every night when I tuck him into bed Monkey and I do the same routine. He hops into bed and I read him a story. We say prayers, I give him a hug and a kiss, and then I give him a smushy. A smushy is a big giant hug that turns into a tickle and ends in a kiss. I have been giving him smushies every single night of his life since he was 2 years old and we invented them-if I got distracted and tried to leave without a smushy he would cry until I went back for them. It's just our thing.

Tonight though was different. He is really getting into reading now, so he took The Cat in the Hat with him to bed. He was excited to read it (with the help of his Leap Pad system) so he rushed me through the story and prayers. No sooner did I say Amen then he grabbed up his book and opened it-then he looked up at me and said,

"Goodnight Mommy. I don't need any smushies."

Talk about a stab in the heart-he doesn't need any smushies! I'd be lying if I said my eyes didn't sting a little. I still made him give me a hug and kiss (as he will do, every night, until he leaves my home I don't care if he is 6, 16, or 26 SO THERE!) and he gave them, though he wiggled out of them as fast as he could. As I left his room he called out to me with his head still in his book,

" 'Night Mom!"

Mom?! What happened to Mommy? Ten seconds ago it was Mommy-why change now? Why change ever? I am not liking this-not at all. It reminds me that every day my baby needs me less and less and, someday, I won't be apart of his every day life. There will come a time when I will go for days (or, God forbid, longer) without seeing his smiling face, or listening to his laugh, or hearing the funny little stories he tells me.

I am going to be such a stalker when he grows up. Seriously-I already feel bad for his future wife. Who wants to have a mother in law who calls every day and begs for weekly (or bi-weekly, or tri-weekly or heck, nightly) dinners?

Apparently whoever decides to marry Monkey, that's who.

My Baby

Right this minute six years ago I became a mom for the first time. I knew from the moment I saw him that he was extraordinary, and every single day since he has proved to me that I didn't even know the meaning of the word.

He was the best baby ever. He never screamed, and he slept through the night-the first time was when he was two weeks old, and since he was two months old he has slept 12 hours a night without fail every night. He is the best snuggle baby in the world and at six years old still spends time every day cuddling with Mommy. Just today he crawled in my lap and leaned back, his head coming up to my shoulders and his feet touching the top of mine.

He just needed a good snuggle he said.

He is the most kind hearted child I've ever known. When I was pregnant with each of the girls, even though he was only three the first time and four the second, he followed me around and told me he was going to take care of me. He picked things up for me, wrapped blankets over me when I sat down, and told me stories and gave me kisses before I laid down for my naps. He always asks me how I'm feeling-and then listens. My six year old listens to me talk about how my day is going. He is good to his sisters too-he never picks on them and is always careful around them. He gives them hugs and kisses, and cheers them on while they learn new things and explore. He gives them his drawings and reads them stories and does all of the things that wonderful big brothers do.

My son is the most creative child I have ever met. His drawings are amazing-he draws with perspective and the beginning of shadow and makes beautiful color choices...so much that I can't even get angry when he colors on the walls. He is imaginative too-one day he's a zebra, the next day he's a scuba diver swimming around the entire world under water. He tells the most amazing, funny little stories about all sorts of things-the man in the moon, lost puppies, and good little boys and girls who get to eat a LOT of candy (that's an on going theme).

I am so proud of how much he loves to learn-he has been pulling things apart and putting them back together to see how they work since he was a toddler. He can find about a dozen countries on the map, he knows every major bone in the human body by it's scientific name, and he can now speak several dozen words and about a dozen phrases in Mandarin...and he learned them all by his own initiative. His thirst for knowledge is unquenchable and that is one of the things I admire the most about him.

I am proud to be the mommy of the most compassionate, artistic, driven, and charming little boy I have ever known. He is the best son a mommy could ever hope for and I thank God every day for the blessing I have in him.

To my sweet little bear-Happy 6th birthday. You will always be my baby, no matter how big you get.

It Depends on Your Definition of "Job"

A conversation with Monkey while waiting at the urgent care....

Me: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Monkey: A doctor.

[Cue Me: Bursting with pride.]

Monkey: I like bones, and brains, and hearts and stuff and I want to help people and make them feel all better. Yeah, I really want to be a doctor...........

OR A ZEBRA.

Well, at least he's ambitious. I don't know anyone who has managed to have a successful career as a zebra yet.

Here's Goo in Your Eye

Can I tell you about my day? It was a doozie. After three hours of sleep I was awakened like normal at 7, made the kids some pancakes, and called all of our bill people to try to straighten things out since we spent over $100 that was supposed to be for bills taking Monkey to the urgent care and then to the hospital Sunday night. The bad news came in that I had to go and have a meeting to get one of my bills paid because somebody wanted to see me in person...so I spent FOUR HOURS on the bus today.

And that was just the beginning...

As soon as I'm 30 minutes away from home I start my period sitting right there on the bus. AWESOME. Of course it has to be then-before my meeting, when I'm away from home and have no girl stuff on me (since the last real period I had was in June of 09). So I have to go the rest of the one and a half bus hours with nothing. I race to the bathroom and buy something out of the dispenser before my meeting, and the meeting goes well [Thank God]. I should have known that was not a good sign (once one good thing happens to me, many bad things must follow), because as soon as I leave I get a call from Hubby saying,

"Uhhhhh, honey? What does pink eye look like? Because I'm pretty sure Monkey has it."

More awesomeness.

As soon as I got home I ran upstairs to check on Monkey and sure enough, he had pink eye in his left eye. I swear to you I cannot even tell you how many times I've told that child to wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom, but here you go-pink eye. Apparently I just rant for my own amusement. What can I do? I rub the gunk off of his face, put him in a clean shirt, and get right back on the bus and travel 30 more minutes to urgent care.

AGAIN. SUPER AWESOME.
Do you know what it's like trying to keep a kid on the bus from touching anything (thereby infecting the whole world with their nasty eye goo)? It's like trying to watch a cracked out octopus. Eventually we make it to the urgent care where (hallelujah!) they have hand sanitizer. We set up camp next to the Purell and are waiting to see the doctor when Monkey tells me his eye itches.

His OTHER eye.

Yep, he has pink eye in BOTH EYES. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

Right before I threaten to hog tie him to keep him from touching/infecting the urgent care, we get into the back with the doctor and she asks about his symptoms. She tells me that fever and cough don't go with pink eye, so she checks him out a little more-turns out he has a cold and the beginning of an ear infection too.

Yep-a cold, an ear infection, and DOUBLE PINK EYE all in the same kid.

I feel bad for the poor dear. I really do. He is totally miserable right now, and I am babying the crap out of him I promise you...but let me be totally selfish for a moment and say I feel pretty bad for myself too. Hubby steam cleaned both of the kids' rooms while Monkey and I were gone, but I'm going to have to scrub the entire downstairs top to bottom, disinfect all the toys, and do all of the laundry in this house tomorrow.

After being up 22 hours with a sick kid and then getting four hours of sleep on Sunday, being up 20 hours with a teething baby and getting three hours of sleep last night, and spending my entire day running around like a headless chicken today I have even MORE to do tomorrow because of all of this my bankruptcy paperwork sits still unfinished (and lightly scribbled on by a certain Baby Bug) on top of the 6 jillion other things I have to do.

I have never been on a vacation in my entire life, but I think NOW might be the time. Anybody up for Mai Tais in Hawaii? I'll meet you there once I figure out how to sprout wings and fly (but I promise I'll bathe in Purell first).

Resolved

There are a lot of resolutions for me to pick from this year. I'd like to eat at least one meal a day at the temperature it was meant to be consumed at rather than putting off my meals until they are a blur of room temperature mediocrity. I'd like to exercise every other day, I want to log at least six hours a day in for work, and I'm going to do everything in my power to AVOID giving birth the third year in a row...but let's face it-stuff happens. Some days the kids go nuts and I'm lucky to shove a bagel in my mouth-forget eating an actual meal of any kind. I'm bound to get sick or have a super long exhausting night with the kidlets that interrupts my new exercise routine and work schedule. As far as pregnancy goes, let's get real-we've already welcomed two beautiful little surprises into our hearts...we're just going to have to do our best on that one and pray hard.

I do however have one resolution that I think might actually be attainable. I want to make at least one blog post per day this year. I'm not promising they'll all be top shelf quality, but I want to make it a point to at least take a moment each day to jot something down. Let's call it an experiment-365 days of blogging.

So far so good-I'm two days down, only 363 days to go LOL Easy-peasy, right? I have a feeling it's going to be a fascinating journey, even if my posts aren't terribly interesting. What can one person say in a solid year of blogging?

Today it happens that I do I have some exciting news-Monkey read his very first book today! Okay so I helped him sound out some words, but it was a brand new book that he got for Christmas so he wasn't reciting it from memory...he was reading! His first book ever? An adorable little book called Adventures of Biscuit. I am so proud I could burst!!

Don't expect news like that every day-some days I'm awful boring, but I hope you'll join me anyway. With nearly four hundred posts this year there is bound to be a few good things mixed in!

Bedtime Stories

Today was a really hard day. The kids were all awake and downstairs by 6:30 in the morning, so naturally they were all tired and cranky beyond reason. They refused to sleep during nap and so only got worse and worse as the day went on. By late afternoon their horrible attitudes had rubbed off on Hubby and me-we were snipping at each other, the kids were crying and screaming and stomping at every turn, and bedtime couldn't come fast enough. Baby Bug goes down at 7, by which time The Bean is usually asleep and was today, so that helped, but by the time it was Monkey's turn at 8 I was so ready to put him to bed and try to relax.

As I put Monkey to bed I saw Baby Bug hanging out next to her baby gate (which we use in front of her door now that she can open and close it on her own) saying "Up! Up! Up! Mama Up!" and thought with a sigh this is going to be a long night. I helped Monkey into bed and asked him,

"Are you ready for your bedtime story?"

He looked at me, and then at Baby Bug, and said, "No, Mommy. I want to tell Baby Bug a story tonight. Can I?"

"Sure," I said, and we went over to the baby gate. Baby Bug's face lit up with delight. She turned her little face up and puckered her lips at her big brother and made a "muah" noise, signaling she was waiting for a kiss, and he leaned down and kissed her.

"Love Ooooo" Baby Bug said.

"Love you too," Monkey replied and brushed her hair out of her forehead, "Do you want me to tell you a bedtime story?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" She was so thrilled. She put her little cheek down to rest on the baby gate and looked adoringly at her big brother.

"Okay," Monkey started, "Once upon a time...." and then he paused and looked at me. "Mommy, you have to go now. This is just for Baby Bug from her big brother."

"Well, alright," I said. I kissed them both and exchanged I love yous.....and went around the corner, hiding a quarter of the way down the stairs to listen.

Monkey told Baby Bug a story about the man in the moon, and how he listens to all of your wishes. He listens to the wishes of big brothers, and baby sisters, and mommies and daddies too, and then he sprinkles moon fuzzies on you.

Baby Bug oooohed and aaaaahed at all the right places, and Monkey's voice was so animated excitedly making up the story as he went along. He ended it with a big "Theeeeeeeeeeeeee End" and Baby Bug clapped. Then monkey said to her,

"Alright baby sister, it's time for bed now. Give me a hug and a kiss."

Baby Bug made the "muah" noise, "Love you", she said.

"Love you too", replied monkey, "now go crawl in bed."

He paused, and I could hear the rustling of Baby Bug crawling into her toddler bed. "Good job Baby Bug," Monkey said. "I love you all the way up to the moon and back, baby sister."

"Night night" said Baby Bug.

"Night night, baby" said Monkey.

I heard him crawling into his own bed then, and I sat and strained to listen. All I could hear was the sound of the kids whispering quietly to their stuffed animals, and I started to cry. Next to the day my husband asked me to marry him, those were the happiest tears I have cried in my entire life. Heck, I'm crying just thinking about it. I am so proud of my boy, caring for his little sister-so proud of my sweet daughter, adoring her big brother so much. My children-for all of their noise and grumpiness-are the sweetest, most affectionate, loving children a mother was ever blessed with.

It was a wonderful day after all.

A Parent's Art Review

I don't know how to feel about this particular piece. I call it "Cityscape with car, sun, and cloud"; the medium is "bedroom door":

Monkey's Newest Piece's Ratings:

+500 Creativity and Skill
(-20, since technically this is vandalism)

Me=Crazy (but Loved)

Yep-that's the title of this post and I stand by it.

It's funny 'cause it's true.

This weekend has tipped the scales of craziness into might-possibly-need-some-bunny-slippers land. I have been busy wrapping up the designs from my Near and Far Giveaway, which has been fun but challenging...fun because it's been great to work with the fabulous winners, but challenging because it seems this is also the weekend that the kids chose to simultaneously LOSE THEIR FREAKIN' MARBLES. My bad for not checking the schedule.

I am not kidding you when I say that each of them spent 90% of their waking hours in some form of whining screaming stomping tantrum. Many times over this weekend they were all going off at once, making my house reverberate with the sounds of shrill child screams. Fun Fun. By the end of the day today I was nearly ready to pack their bags and suggest they run away to live with Grandpa when, as I was putting Monkey to bed, I was reminded why I never have gotten around to selling them on Ebay.

After I read him his story Monkey put his hands on each side of my face and said, "I'm sorry I was so mad today and yesterday. Thank you for helping me feel better, Mommy. You're my best friend and I love you so much." Then he snuggled into my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I won't lie-I teared up, and said a silent prayer of thanks that while my children may sometimes seem like psychotic midgets determined to be my mental undoing they are actually in fact loving, gentle creatures who love me very much.

My kids love me.

I know that it seems like an obvious thing, but I guess it's not something that I ever thought about. I love them to the ends of the earth and I would do anything for them. I work very hard to teach them, and take care of them, and let them know exactly how much I adore each of them but I never really considered how they felt about me. Does that mean I'm not empathising with them enough? Maybe. I guess I just always assumed the kids liked me just fine, and left it at that. I'm the mom-I do what I do because of how I feel about them and because of what they need-but realizing that my children love me as much as I love them is by far the greatest reward I've ever received....even if it is something I never knew I really needed to know.

Looking back on this weekend, it's obvious the kids just went bonkers-but if I look hard enough I can also see that no matter how frustratingly, ridiculously insane they might act sometimes they love me-and look to me for love, knowing it will be there all the time no matter how they behave-and that touches me so deeply I am nearly at a loss for words.

And it totally makes up for my nervous twitch.

It's CPB....RUN!

Monkey and Baby Bug were chasing each other around the house today. Not that that in itself is anything special-it's pretty much a daily occurrence and not something that would typically capture my attention unless crying or bloodshed was involved. Today however I happened to have a monster headache and they happened to be working themselves into particularly feverish and high pitched squeals, so I stopped them and asked (with more irritation than was probably reasonable)...

Me: Just what is going on here, son?

Monkey(throwing his hands to his face and smiling): RUN MOMMY! Baby Bug is The Orpor-pewtion!

Me: The what?

Monkey: She's the cor-puke-ation Mommy....RUUUUUUUUUUN!

Of course, Monkey tries to go skipping off full of giggles, but I stop him in his tracks.

Me: It's not nice to call names, son.

Monkey: I'm not! Mommy, I'm just pretending.

Me: It's not okay to call names, even if it's just pretend.

Monkey: But Mommy I'm NOT! Baby Bug is the cor-rulation for uplick roadtesting and she's chasing me. See, she's smiling! It's okay!

Me: She's a what now?!

Monkey(running away with Baby Bug hot on his trail now): She's the orpurtation for puplick bro-tasting and she's chasing the viewers like MEEEEEEEEE!

Hubby and I look at each other as it begins to dawn on us.

Me: Did he just say "viewers like me"?

Hubby: I think so.

Me (Snickering): Do you think he means....?

Hubby: He totally does (laughing).

Me: Son, are you running away from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting?

Monkey(giggling hysterically): YEAH Mommy~Look! Here she comes to get the Viewers Like Me! Thank Yooooooooooooooou!

I think we may have to institute a ban on OPB. Still, it was adorable enough to take my mind off my headache while the Tylenol kicked in. The kids give headaches, and the kids take them away....

A Play By Play of Our Day....By Monkey

Mommy, Baby Bug is awake. Can you hear her crying. She is awake, Mommy.

Mommy? She wants breakfast, Mommy.

Mommy, she's drinking her bottle, Mommy. Can you watch her drink her bottle, Mommy?

Mommy LOOOOOOOK! The Bean's eyes are open, Mommy.

Now they're closed.

Now they're open.

Now they're closed.

Now they're open.

[Yes, son, that's called blinking.]

OH. Mommy, why does The Bean blink Mommy?

Mommy Baby Bug farted now. She has a stinky diaper and you should change her, Mommy.

Mommy The Bean has a stinky diaper too. Mommy. Mommy. Did you hear me Mommy?

Mommy, Daddy's taking a nap right now because he has to go to work tonight, right Mommy?

[Yes, son.]

Mommy, I like it when Daddy takes naps because then I can watch my shows, right Mommy?

Can I watch Kai-Lan Mommy?

Mommy, The Bean wants to watch Kai-Lan, Mommy. I can tell.

Mommy-what's for lunch Mommy?

Mommy Baby Bug took my car and hid it.

Mommy Baby Bug is peeing on the carpet.

Mommy I'm really hungry Mommy.

Mommy The Bean is crying Mommy.

Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy

Can you look? Can you look? Can you look? Can you look? Can you look?

Mommy?

Mommy?

Mommy?

[What, son?]

Hi, Mommy, how is your day?

[Super, son. How is yours going?]

Mommy, I'm hungry Mommy. And The Bean doesn't like her binky anymore she told me because she spitted it on the ground Mommy.

[I see.]

But Baby Bug likes the binky Mommy so she stole it and hid it.

[Really, where?]

I don't know. I forgotten.

Mommy when's dinner?

Mommy can I have a special treat? I want a strawberry. No TEN strawberries. No, THREE HUNDRED strawberries for my three hundred teeth. See, I have three hundred teeth, Mommy!

[I think you may be confusing yourself with a whale.]

Oh yeah.

Mommy it's time to put Baby Bug to bed.

Mommy The Bean is crying again, Mommy.

Mommy can I watch my show before bed Mommy?

Mommy can I have one more glass of milk?

Mommy can I brush my teeth one more time?

Mommy can we read the next chapter?

Mommy can I have a snuggle?

Mommy, I love you so much Mommy.

Goodnight.

That. Right. There. Makes the rest of the day totally worth it.

Wordless Wednesday:The Eyes Have It

Our kidlets have the most gorgeous eyes! They're so big, and full of wonder...........

(Yes, this is an OLD picture of Monkey)

Tell All Tuesday:Growing Up

How do you deal when your baby's not a baby anymore? That's not a clever lead in, I really have no idea. True, Baby Bug is still pretty small and The Bean is literally an infant so it's not like I don't have my fair share of little ones anymore. And yes, 5 years old is no where near all grown up, but it still breaks my heart to think of how big he is.

This weekend it was only made worse by his devastatingly handsome, brand new, super cool grown up hair cut.

My little boy with his surfer wave hair

My little man with his hair cut just like Daddy's

Of course it didn't help that the entire time he was getting his hair cut he was flirting with the stylist. When he sat down in the chair he looked her right in the eye and said in his most lady killing voice, "Hi, My name is (Monkey) Mr. Fluffy-what's your name?" It was so adorable-and it definitely had the mark of childhood on it (Monkey likes to pretend to be different animals and people and the only way you know "who he is" on any particular day is by the character name that he tacks after his own)-but the fact that he was genuinely flirting with a girl he thought was "super pretty" made me realize once again that he's not going to stay little.

Then add the fact that his haircut makes him look (I think) like a mature 7 rather than a just-turned-5? Mommy's having a very very hard time with this. It reminds me that every day he is one year older, soon he'll be so old he'll be driving cars, and going on dates, and leaving the nest, and getting married, and having children, and just thinking about it makes me feel queasy.

So tell me, please, how do you cope with your babies getting older?

Wordless Wednesday:Nests

Look Mommy! The Bean loves her nest!



Look Mommy! It's my very own nest!

........Baby Bug does not nest, she perches.

Happy Mother's Day

This year Mother's Day in the house of M was just chock full of hijinx.

This morning I decided I wanted Cheese Blintzes for breakfast [mmmmm] so I whip out my mixing bowls and get to cooking [Note to self: First recipe to teach Monkey? Blintzes]. So I'm standing there, with Monkey critiquing over my shoulder about how this crepe is not perfectly round and that crepe is too big, when I notice I'm leaking a bit. I've been doing that for the last several days-just a teensy bit at a time-but since there wasn't a gush of fluid, there wasn't enough leakage to pool, and my contractions weren't getting any worse I was happy to ignore it in favor of relaxation, sleep, and blintzes. And, honestly, I didn't want to have to drive the whole way out to the hospital just to be sent home again. This was more leaking than I'd been having, but still not a gushy, pooly, drippy kind of leaking...so I decided to sit on it. [Pun only half intended.] About 20 minutes later I started having some serious levels of pressure.

Okay fine, I sighed (mostly to myself). I'll go in. Just in case. But I'm not driving all the way to the hospital if I don't have to.

I pull myself away from the crepey goodness and head over to our local urgent care office, conviniently located less than a mile from our house. I told the doc what was happening, she gave me the good-old-cotton-swab, and after about 10 minutes she came back in and said "Congratulations-your water broke! You're going to have your baby today! Better get going to the L&D to pick up your Mother's Day present."

I. Was. Seriously. So. Excited.

Sure I was in pain, but this pain was going somewhere! I was going to have this baby! And on Mother's Day~how cute was that? This was it! Round up the troops! Call the grandparents! TWITTER!!

It was, of course, too adorable to be true. I get to the L&D and they hook me up and swab me down-I'm sitting there, ants in my pants, waiting to hear that I've dilated more or they're going to start my pitocin-or better yet, hear that the anesthesologist is on his way!-when they come back in and tell me that my water didn't actually break. Oopsies.

OOPSIES?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I am absolutely certain that if I were a cartoon steam would have shot out of my ears and my head would have exploded into an atomic cloud of confetti.

I am still confused about how-exactly-one gets a false positive on a ferning test but my frustration level has come down from 'nuclear war peace talks' to 'ran out of toilet paper' so I'm okay-all because of Monkey.

When we got home, he ran up to me and said "I am so glad you're home Mommy! I love you sooooooooooooo much, and you're my very favorite. Happy Mother's Day!" Then he held my hand and took me upstairs to read him a story before he went to bed. It was a little past his bedtime (grandparents don't have to "do" bedtime) so while I was reading his eyes were getting droopy in that sweet way that babies' eyes have of doing. I closed the book and leaned over to kiss him and he threw his arms around me. He snuggled into my neck and said, "Thank you for reading that story Mommy. I love you through and through."

That's what motherhood is all about. Being so frustrated one minute you nearly burst a blood vessel and then-at exactly the right moment-being overwhelmed by the unconditional and awestruck love your child has for you.

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day!

Heart of Stone

Good news folks-everything is back on track. Baby Bug's fever is entirely gone, and we're down to just antibiotics every 6 hours. She is doing great, and already back to her usual mischief.

My contractions seem to have ambled back into the land of painful but completely random-making me (slightly) more comfortable and more likely to make our induction date (now only 9 days away!!). Which means that I'll be sure to get my epidural, which means of course that I am very very pleased.

Now that The M House is no longer operating at DEFCON 1, I am happy to move my medical/labor updates to my Twitter page and return to blogging as normal. I do in fact have other things to talk about, and I know that I'm not alone when I say nobody likes a whiner.

How do I know? I polled it! A really really long time ago, but hey-I'm not on a deadline here, right? Nearly a month ago I asked you:

Admit it ...The Most Annoying Thing Your Kid(s) Do(es) is _____

and the winner is...


REFUSE TO CONTROL THE VOLUME OF THEIR VOICE...(1)
Whiiiiiiine about eeeverything.......................................................(3)
Tattle.................................................................................................(1)
Expose your parenting flaws to strangers in the grocery store (don't forget me this time mommy!).........................................................................................(0)
Attitude. Attitude. Attitude..........................................................(1)
My kid is a robot/animal (or a newborn) and has no flaws......(0)
My kid is a teenager and appears to be nothing but flaws...but I love them anyway...(0)

Whine! Oh yes my friends I can relate. Monkey has recently developed a disturbingly dramatic flair, which lends itself to a LOT of whining. His new favorite thing to say? I'm going to die. This news is almost always delivered with one hand propped on his cheek and his face tilted to the side, big Bambi eyes brimming with Oscar worthy tears. Sometimes, if I'm extra lucky, he'll even lay completely prone on the floor in an attempt to look as pathetic as possible. Then he sighs heavily and begins...

2 hours after snack:
Moooommy, I am so hungry I'm gonna die.

If I dare to turn on the TV to anything but Noggin:
Moooommy, I want a kids show or I could die.

Immediately after my parents leave from a visit:
Moooommy, if I can't go to grandma and grandpas I'm going to DIE.

Obviously, he does not understand the concept of death-this is just something he picked up from my 5 year old sister in law (remind me to thank Grandma for that later)-but it is enough to make me crazy.

So what do I do? I do the only thing I can do-I look him up and down, with equal dramatics, and then shrug and say "You look fine to me".

I'm a cold hearted mommy.

Happy Birthday Baby

My baby boy turned FIVE ♥ That's right. Monkey. Five. I'm in shock.

Every time I look at him I know that it was his tiny little face, and his little bitty hands, and his trusting and loving heart that forever changed me from Person to Mommy. The moment he was born I was changed in ways that I still can't fully grasp or appreciate. I thought I knew about love and devotion and faith until my tiny little first born cried his very first cry. I have never felt such an instant and overwhelming sense of love as when I first heard his voice, and I cried when they put him in my arms.

I will never forget the very first things I said to him:

"Hello, my sweet baby. I'm your mommy and I love you more than I can ever explain. I am so happy to finally meet you. I am so proud of you-you did a great job being born, and I will love you and be proud of you every day for as long as I live."

And I knew, right then, that he was the reason I was born.

Since then everything is passing in the blink of an eye. I will never forget bringing him home from the hospital and staying up all night-while he slept peacefully-just to watch him breathe. I still look at him and see my sweet little baby, looking up at me with his big wide eyes and wrapping his little hand around my fingers while he nursed. I know that I'll always be able to instantly recall what it was like to have his tiny little body curled up next to mine at night, and watch him with the moonlight on his face, smelling his little head and knowing that is exactly what heaven must smell like.

And look-in the blink of an eye life is going by so fast. My tiny little newborn baby is walking around exploring the world. He can read and write, he nurtures his sister, he emulates his Daddy, he's forming thoughts and opinions and becoming his own person and I am slowly changing from the center of his world into one that is just blessed enough to watch and guide him. It is almost a kind of tragic beauty knowing that someday-much much sooner than I'd like-he'll be all grown up and leaving the nest...the man that I created. I'd be lying if I said that I am not a little devastated.

Still, there is another part of me that is so excited and fascinated with watching him grow. Now that he’s five we’re going to start enrolling him in different activities as apart of unschooling-this year he’s going to do Martial Arts, a drawing class, and volunteer work at the Humane Society. MY baby is going to be doing things and making friends and LIVING HIS OWN LIFE WITHOUT ME (in one hour increments, of course)! I am so amazed, and yes still proud, watching him grow up and I am so grateful that such a wonderful little person is apart of our lives. Every day he says or does something fantastic and new and I can see the man he'll someday be peeking out from behind his rocket ship pajamas. It's so exciting...and terrifying...and extraordinary.

I want him to stay five forever! Then again, I wanted him to stay four....and three...and newborn...but I can't catch a shooting star, or take a picture of my innermost feelings, and I know I can't keep him a little boy forever.

Still no matter how old he gets or how manly he becomes, even someday when he has children of his own, I will look at him and see that precious little baby-the perfect amazing little boy that made me Mommy.

What Mommy Doesn't See Can't Hurt Me

It was bound to happen sooner or later, and this week it has.

Our son realized that Mommy and Daddy are not omnipresent. Yes, it's a sad thing for us all now that he knows that if we aren't looking at him we can't see him.

Fortunately for us he developed a system for when he's going to do something he's not supposed to do.

FIRST-Slink up to mommy/daddy and pet them nicely on the arm. Smile as cute as possible. Bonus if you give a hug or kiss.

SECOND-Tell them you want something. Anything. As long as it moves them from the spot at which they are standing. Try to make it sound urgent.

THIRD-Once they are busy with the distraction, make sure they are paying close attention by telling them either look over there or turn around (to face the distraction object). You have to tell them this or they may look around and see you.

FOURTH-Sneak off and get into trouble.

Sadly for him it has yet to work, because mommy and/or daddy usually catch on by the time he tells us he "needs" something that we just took care of a minute ago (asking for dinner 10 minutes after dinner). Plus somehow we have managed to decode the secret message behind "turn around" and only watch closer then.

Dang.

Still, it's cute that he tries.