Saturday, April 4, 2009

One Cool Bean

I am probably the whiniest person on the planet at the moment. The thing is I can't really bring myself to feel appropriately contrite about my behavior. I am 33 weeks pregnant with our second child in less than two years, and my inner monologue has slowly digressed to a long, unintelligible stream of groaning, curse words, and self-pity. I have even started thinking uncharitable thoughts about my husband who, under normal circumstances, I actually adore.

To be fair that's kind of his fault. I have spent most of my time the last couple of days hobbling around in my tshirt and yoga pants having irregular contractions. While I am not in "active labor" (thank God) it is certainly active enough to hurt-and dilate and efface me veeeery slowly-so you know, I'm generally miserable.

Which may have been the reason my head nearly popped off yesterday when Hubby dared to complain about my recent "lack of energy"....and the toll it has taken on his sleep. That certainly takes a pair, doesn't it? Little did he know that I spent the two hours following that comment thinking about sneaking up on him while he was sleeping and punching him in the kidneys. Just once an hour or something-nothing really compared to the constant rock n' rolling of our little ninja-baby and the pain of contractions. I wondered what effect that would have on his sleep. I was willing to bet that he'd think twice about complaining the next time I decide to take an hour nap.

What? I didn't do it, of course.

I have also been reduced to hormonally charged dramatics of Scarlett O'Hara proportions over the demise of our cheapo digital camera. It was seriously the cheapest thing you could get that could still take a barely discernible picture, so there is no reason it's unsurprising end should have plummeted me into the "depths of dis-pay-ah".....but of course it did. Especially when I looked at our budget and realized that with all the stuff we have to buy before The Bean is born there is no way we can get a digital replacement-not even the cheapo kind.

So then I start to think......If I don't have a camera I can't take a belly picture.

If I can't take a belly picture, then there is no way that I can catch up and get an equal amount of belly pictures for The Bean as I did for Baby Bug....I AM SLIGHTING MY YOUNGEST CHILD before she is even born! What kind of a mother am I?!

This ALSO means we will not have a digital camera when we deliver! We will have to rely on disposable cameras-with no previewing options! I'm going to be shooting pictures of our newborn daughter blindly! What if they all come out black? What if her face is out of frame? What if we all have red-eye? How will I edit our photos into beautiful family memories to put in her baby book (which I will probably never complete)!? What if I get no salvageable pictures at all!?

You should have seen the hysterics. I should have sold tickets-I would have gotten an Academy Award. I'm even getting a little misty just typing this right now. I told you my hormones are not in a good place.

Despite the fact that I am generally wallowing in my own hormone flood, I have been feeling a little guilty about being so surly lately. I needed something to help me get out of my funk and start acting like a decent relatively sane person again. So I decided to browse through my pregnancy books/internet bookmarks to find funny pictures and read about the 33rd week of know, find out what my body is doing in there and see what The Bean is up to.

Me at 33 Weeks
Thanks to a uterus that has now grown to over 500 times it's original size, I have developed a bat-like sonar system that enables me to get to the bathroom 6 times a night in the dark.

Unfortunately, this only works at night in the dark. During the day I can be found stumbling/hobbling/waddling around-I blame my lack of grace on the relaxin which widens the pelvic bones in anticipation of labor. It makes it easy for the baby to come out, but the new hip positions make me wobble!

Will the "fun" never cease?

There is some good news though-I am doing astoundingly well on my weight gain (go me!). I was about 15lbs overweight when I got pregnant (...please remember that I was also only 5 1/2 months post partum before you judge!) so the doctor told me that I should only gain 15-20lbs during pregnancy~and I'm right on track. I have gained 12lbs so far-if I gain a pound a week (YIKES!) from now until my due date I'll still have only gained 19lbs. Perfect! This is my shiny point of happiness at the moment. Yes, I think I shall focus on this for a minute.......aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Okay, baby's turn!

The Bean at 33 Weeks
The Bean is now about 12 inches-ish from crown-to-rump (about 17.5 inches head to toe) and roughly 4-41/2lbs. That's about the size of a pineapple(ouch)!

She can now tell the difference between dark and light, listen and react to music and familiar voices (like the sound of Monkey trying to talk to her through my belly button), and moves her eyes in a REM like pattern.....I wonder what she's dreaming about?

By now the bean will have some hair. If she's anything like the rest of the kids, that's almost all she's going to get until she's 2.

Her hobbies this week include practicing breathing by inhaling amniotic fluid, getting in position (head down booty up), and slowing her movements down (in theory)-can't be too active if she's going to gain 1/2lb per week from here on out!

You know, it's pretty cool to think about how she's growing and changing in there....even if her growing and changing means that I'm feeling a little snippy and hormonal. And huge. And hurty. And...well, it's all worth it right? Because in the end I get a brand new baby girl!

Cool beans.


Kirsty said...

LOL You are such a clever writer. And way to turn lemons into lemonade :D
Did you get a random package from Ohio yet? If not, I hope it arrives and cheers you up soon. No digital camera in there I am afraid :( :( I wish I could help you out with that!!!


Jenny said...

You are hilarious!

LOL about punching your hubby in the kidneys every few hours!

Mrs. M said...

Thank you-though I don't feel terribly clever and even my lemonade is a little bitter. Ha ha ha. And there's no package yet, but I'll look for it~thanks again for featuring me and for the prize!

I am doing my best to relax and wait on God. I know, over something as silly as a digital camera? It hardly seems appropriate with all the things going on in the world today to hope God provides me a digital convenience. Still, I won't lie. I totally do. We have about 4-6 weeks until The Bean is we'll see how it works out.

Mrs. M said...

Jenny-Sorry I didn't get your comment before I posted my previous reply. I DO think it would almost be justified. Just one or two swift hi-yahs to the torso-for good measure. =D

Farmgirl Paints said...

It is so worth it...hard but worth it. Your blog is really cute. I like the border. Good luck with your impending blessings.

Muthering Heights said...

LOLOL, I know how you feel!!!

Luckily for my husband, he sleeps like a he doesn't even notice that I'm up all night, tossing and turning, sweating bullets and crying from heartburn..