Two years ago, right this minute, I was a nervous wreck. My pregnancy had not been easy that time around and I was exhausted from nearly constant, excruciating gallbladder attacks-not to mention the fact that was I was totally emotionally strung out. I was afraid of having a daughter because my relationship with my mother was never better than disastrous...I was desperately afraid that I was somehow betraying my precious first born Monkey by daring to bring another baby into his world...I was afraid that I would be swallowed whole by the responsibility of having two children to care after...and the night before I delivered Baby Bug I was at my hormonal worst.
There were a LOT of tears.
Monkey was staying with my in laws and Hubby and I were alone for what was, in retrospect, one of the very last times and all I could do was bawl my pregnant eyes out. What if I didn't like the baby? What if the baby didn't like me? What if I didn't know how to parent a girl? What if Monkey was eternally damaged by the fact that I replaced him with another baby? What if I couldn't handle two children? I may or may not have told Hubby that I changed my mind about this whole having-another-kid business.
Luckily for me the desire to be DONE with pregnancy won out and at 4:40 the following afternoon our oldest daughter came into the world. She was a teeny-tiny little thing, only 19 inches long and 6lbs 9oz, and cute as a button. Our little bunny rabbit, named after my beloved Nana, with huge bright blue eyes and barely there blond peach fuzz, has tugged on our heart strings from day one.
Exactly two years later I can tell you that, regardless of my previous anxieties, I am absolutely in love with her. She has a high, soft little pixie voice like distant wind chimes or the sound of kittens mewing, and a heart full of sunshine. She is bright in the very best and every sense of the word and she fills our home and our hearts with joy. I can't imagine my life without my sweet little rabbit running around, telling me about every single thing that pops into her head. I am amazed by the already hundreds of words that she knows already and marvel at how adeptly she picks up new words every day. When she flies around the house pretending to be a bee-fly (butterfly) my heart almost breaks at how adorable she is. I bite back laughter when she gives me the most adorable pouty face I've ever seen, and when she puts one hand on her hip and wags her other pointer finger at me while saying "no-no" in that melodic little sing song voice of hers. Everything in me overflows when she reaches up for me and asks to be picked up so that she can kiss me...and just one of her tiny little "wuv you"s is enough to make a mama cry.
My first daughter, my sunshine, my blondie bear, my bunny rabbit, my baby bug...I just love her so much it leaves me nearly speechless with the power of it. Today my little one is two, and I can hardly believe it-she's growing up so quickly and I just want to freeze time for a minute or two so that I can watch her as she is now and appreciate the little person that she is today.
Today on her second birthday. Happy Birthday my lovey!