Thursday, April 22, 2010

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

This week for writer's workshop, Mama Kat wants to know about our take on the big D. Divorce is common, obviously...I'd even venture to say that the majority of people in my generation have divorced parents-and that their parents divorce rate is the reason why so many of my peeps choose cohabitation over marriage.

In my life, I do not consider divorce to be an option. After all, there is only one thing I would consider an acceptable reason to leave my husband (abuse) and that would never happen in a million years because Hubby is a gentle, honorable man.

That doesn't mean he doesn't piss me off in a bad way sometimes. I am writing this less than two hours after the biggest fight we've had in probably 6 months and I can assure you of two things-sometimes that man makes me so mad that I secretly wonder if my ears are smoking ala Yosemite Sam, and that no matter how nice it seems like it would be in those moments to take a vacay away from the hubby, I would never leave him.

Why not? Well, there are several reasons and depending on how mad I am I rely on different ones. If I'm super pissed, I just remember that I have less than radiant qualities myself and that he has stuck by me in spite of them. If I am red-hot-lava-pissed I remind myself that my life, while temporarily less complicated, would be miserable without him. If I am super nova, erupting volcano, Yosemite Sam pissed I make sure to tell myself--I am an honorable person and I stand by my word. I gave my word to God and to this man that I would stand beside him until death do us part in good times and in bad-and nobody was kidding about the bad part. If I focus on my vow, I inevitably think of the other part (you know, the good part), of how my life is so much better because of my husband and how lost I would be without him, and ultimately (no matter how pissed I was) I always come back to how grateful I am that he honors his vows when I am acting like a mule headed toddler.

Then I apologize for acting like a giant stubborn whiny baby pee pants, for which he always forgives me, and he apologizes for being a jerk, for which I always forgive him, and all is well. I'm not saying that no one should ever get divorced-other people's marriages are none of my business-but when I think of the big D I know in my heart that it will never be the solution in my marriage.

Do you have an opinion about divorce? Want to check out the other topics? Visit Mama Kat this week!

8 comments:

parentingBYdummies said...

We need to work on the apologies part of here. You know for when Dumb Dad is a stupid face stupid monkey butt. I don't do that so need for me to say sorry;)! I don't consider divorce an option either. I just change him to my liking and things work out! I know, it's a wonder we're even still married, right?!

singedwingangel said...

I don't necessarily divorce is the answer for all marriages, but I also believe that things outsside of an affair can warrantone. Respect. If you are not respected, and are in a marriage, something is wrong. I knwo a lot of 'churches' like to preach submission to the women but there is a fine line between submission and abuse. Abuse is a dealbreaker even in God's eyes.
But I like you am married to a man I could not see myself without. He has respect and honor for me and this marriage.

June Freaking Cleaver said...

I'd add infidelity to your list of reasons to divorce.

I think most folks divorce over a problem that could probably be resolved through counseling and commitment to improve the situation.

Unfortunately, one or both of the couple is usually distracted by another "bright and shiny" person - who they think will make them happier.

Vodka Logic said...

You make it sounds so easy... I wish it was

KLZ said...

I too act like a giant stubborn baby pee pants sometimes. I pretend it looks good on me.

Cheers to marriage.

(Over from Mama Kat's)

Stef said...

I am with you! There are only a few reasons I would divorce my hubby, but I made sure that I married a man who wouldn't Do those things. Come one people, work it out...there are some things worth fighting for!! Plus who would take care of the kids?!?

Michelle said...

I am divorced and remarried but my story is long and complicated. Hubby was also previously married. We are both in it for the long haul, no matter how much we piss each other off.

The older I have gotten and having been married and divorced and remarried I truly think it comes down to how committed you both are. If you have two very committed partners, who are continously working to improve their marriage and work through conflict, can make it through almost anything.

Abuse, constant infidelity, can obviously tear a marriage apart but if a spouse makes an mistake and is unfaithful, I could forgive if I knew they were sorry and could change.

myorii said...

I'm with you on the divorce thing. I can never imagine getting a divorce from my husband because it's just something I can never imagine...unless it's (like you said) abuse or even infidelity...then it's a different story. But I love my husband too much to ever want to lose him. I have those days where I act like a baby but I always come to my senses and apologies always make things better in the end.

I do know couples who are incredibly unhappy and just plain miserable in their marriages. It's unfortunate sometimes because they are simply no longer in love with each other and can't stand being in the presence of the other person. These couples actually end up getting along better after a divorce and are happier. I think if I was ever in that situation, where I can't love my husband and can't stand the sight of him anymore (and vice versa), divorce might be a better option than to subject the both of us to misery for the rest of our lives.