Thursday, March 27, 2008

Mutiny On HMS Mommyship

Arrrrg Matey. We have ourselves a wee pirate we do. Today Captain Monkeypants sailed the livingroom carpet with his scurvy first mate Teddy, rummaging and pillaging, leaving a trail of tears and stolen cookies behind them. And don't forget the incessant bellowing of:

"Look Mommy! Look Mommy! Mommy! I'm A PIRATE! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!"

This was adorable. No really, I mean it. I don't mean adorable like I normally do where adorable=toxically obnoxious. It was actually so precious-so filled with that little boy wonder and imagination.

Then the tides started to turn. What was once a piratey arg slowly morphed into the screetching wail of a preschooler who wanted to sit in mommy's lap. RIGHT NOW. Never mind that Baby Bug was nursing-it was essential that he sit in my lap at THAT moment and that I read him his pirate book.

I, being the multitalented multitasker that I have been forced to become, switched the Bug into a football hold and let Monkey crawl on my other side with his pirate book so that I can nurse the baby and read to him at the same time.

Then hubby (the real Captain of this crazy crew) decides that he needs me to look in the phonebook for a number he needs. Because he can't find it. It's obviously NOT IN THERE. So why don't I just look and make sure it's really not in there.

So picture this-I have one child nursing on one side, one child sitting on my lap turning pages, and me reciting the pirate book from memory while I reach around Monkey's back to flip through the phonebook on the end table.

Even that was okay. Even cool--it shows off my madd mommy skillz. But then everyone noticed that mom had divided her attention and that everyone was only getting a 33% effort. Monkey started wailing and using the bottom corner of his book to stab me in the leg to get my attention. Baby Bug started turning into crazy pirhana baby, thrashing her head around and sucking whatever was closest to her (not always the part where the milk comes out) and making this horrid little screeching noise. Hubby then walks up behind me and starts asking me something. Probably something about the company I was looking up for him. Who knows?

I couldn't hear him so I guess it doesn't count.

The crew is going crazy, the Captain is busy contributing to the chaos, and the navigator/ship advisor/scullery maid (that's me) has had it up to her eyeballs with the whole mutinous lot.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrg mateys.


Suzie said...

Argghhhh that is so annoying me maties. Although i love my son it makes me a little touched out to have one on my lap and nurse the other. It makes me cring and It always seem to end in chaos as well. You are a real mutitasker.

Person(Also Known As Mommy) said...

Yeah, I'm not a fan of nursing while my son sits on my lap either. A little creepy. But I am LESS a fan of him shrieking in my ear and then, when that doesn't work, shrieking in his sister's ear and scaring her to death which causes HER to shriek....yeah, I'll just read the dang book! LoL

Anonymous said...

My daughter has been in a pirate stage ever since we got a Dora Halloween book featuring Diego as a pirate. When we took her trick-or-treating she saw a woman with an eye-patch passing out candy. The imp kept yelling, "She's a pirate...argh." Unfortunately, the eye patch was real and the woman wasn't trying to look like a pirate.

Erin said...

Wow, I think you should be nominated captain of the ship!

Person(Also Known As Mommy) said...

Ha ha ha ha Trix...sounds like soemthing Monkey would do!

Thanks Erin. Somedays I think so too.